7 Feb 2011: Humility and Grace

It is irritating, sometimes. The very act of talking about ways to do something right can almost in and of itself make you more susceptible to fall in exactly that area.

For about a week, I wrote on the theme of loving your wife. In doing so, I felt good that I was able to come up with what I did, and somewhat unconsciously felt that I was doing a pretty good job of it. Now, there is nothing wrong with confidence; but here is the twist: Life sometimes throws you a curveball. You come across something that makes you struggle a bit with yourself, and that confidence in that thing you feel you did well, at least for me, can so easily turn to over-confidence and a little disregard. Disregard for God's call for me quickly became a bigger issue than that little curveball I experienced before.

Pride and overconfidence would say "I've been doing well. I'm good at this!" Humility would say "I've been doing well. I should keep this up." I find it a challenge to attain and maintain the latter attitude. But if you are anything like me, so do you. To go back and reflect on a previous passage, Paul writes "1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:1-2) Completely humble, I think, also means that I can accept my failures and stay focused on the call God has for me. I think when God calls us to bear with one another in love, He also means ourselves. Why is it so much easier to forgive others, but so hard to forgive myself?

Lord, let me accept my failures, not so that I would not continue to care, but that I would be able to stay focused on your mission for me, and be an example of humility for others.

Prayer Request:

Please continue to pray for Todd, that the donor cells would continue to take over his body and that he would be cancer free.

The Talk of Men: 27 Jan 2011

27 Jan 2011

Reading: Ephesians 4:11-16 (NIV)

In what ways are you an infant? In what ways do you act like a child? In what ways, then, do you act like a man of God?

I see two possible outcomes of being an infant that is pointed out here in scripture (not mutually exclusive but non-conflicting), and I'd like to focus on the second. I've had some pretty painful experiences this week in this area, so this section not only rings some bells but also inspires me to be more than I am.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by (1) every wind of teaching and by (2) the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.

I don't see any other way to read this other than that if we do and achieve the first part of the passage (as indicated by the "then we will no longer...") the second parts will occur. So, this unity, maturity, and fullness of Christ that Paul is talking about is what is required to no longer be blown here and there by the "cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming". This week has been particularly difficult. But the only person I can really change is myself. If there is something about me that is perpetuating this effort, this behavior that seems to be so pointed at me, it is me that needs to change. When we as the body of Christ pull together in unity (defined or described in the previous verses), the knowledge of God, and become mature, we can move on from infancy to adulthood.

In what ways do I act like a child?


Prayer Requests:



Todd's Condition
> Praise that Todd is showings sings of being on the path to engraftment.
> Praise that Todd is feeling well and that he is able to be relatively independent in the hospital right now.
> Continued prayer that the donor cells are strengthened and take over the body. When the hospital does a Chimerism test, we want it to see 100% donor cells.
> Continued prayer that God would strengthen Jen, as she is taking care of most of the things at home, while visiting Todd in the hospital.
> Continued prayer for Todd's health, that when his immune system is so low, that he would not get sick at all. Todd's White Blood Cells (WBC) are up to 0.4, the last I heard.


See Todd's Blog.

The Talk of Men: 25 Jan 2011

25 Jan 2011

Reading: Ephesians 4:1 - 4

Sorry. I have really been wrestling with some topics; I couldn't decide what to do. I have had a hard time working on this one. Even now, it seems jumbled, disorganized, and I struggle with the focus. I think it is best to focus on my own struggle. If you struggle as I do, maybe my questions of my own will resonate with you and maybe the search for answers to such will draw you closer to His vision for you. This is my own hope for myself.


This section, if your bible version has the same section headings as mine, has some pretty fitting titles: "Unity and Maturity in the Body of Christ" and then "Instructions for Christian Living".

If you are like me, then you have had several crossroads, maybe more like a crossroads on a fairly regular basis, where you are searching for instructions on how to live, what standards to live by. As I seem to be drawn to this section, it seems fitting to continue the discussion on how to be a spiritual leader by expanding the scope to our interactions outside of the home as well as the inside. What kind of person should I be? How should my interactions be with other people? I feel the tug and pull of the concept of grace. If I give myself too little grace, then I am torturing myself and beating myself silly over the mistakes I have made (which is where I have been for several weeks or months now). If, however, I give myself too much grace (though Christ would probably challenge me as to what I mean by this), then I almost give myself too much freedom to act like a jerk or a buffoon. So I think this passage is a great section at a great time.

As I read and reflect, these are the statements or ideas that seem to pop out at me. I urge you to reply to all and comment on what ideas pop out to you.

"1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called;"
Suppose God walked up to me today, and He and I had coffee and conversation. Suppose He called me to account for my actions, my reputation, my deeds, and then asked me how these compared to the man He wanted me to be as outlined in the scriptures, I don't think I would be able to be confident before my Lord. Sure, I believe in Christ; it wouldn't be a conversation about salvation. God would be talking about how I helped bring God's life and love to others.
Am I gentle with other people?
Am I humble?
Was I patient with other people?
Was I quick to forgive others?
Or was I am pompous prick who acted like I am humble, but really wanted something in return?

Am I quick to grind my axe, or can I learn to truly forgive?

What about this idea of unity? There seems to be something about the way that men like to talk to each other that brings us down far more than we recognize. Now, I will be the very first to admit that I have used sarcasm and ridicule not only for a joke, but to my advantage, and even as a tool. How awful. I would editorialize and say that there probably isn't any harm to a little light sarcasm between friends, as long as all laugh and I keep it in check. It too easily, though, permeates more than just the humor of my close friends and invades my conversation with my coworkers, other brothers and sisters in Christ, my wife, my kids. Pretty soon, I am deep in the territory of inappropriate and downright divisory, tearing down the very same peace and unity that I should building in and with those people. Sin city.

If God looked me right in the eye and asked me: "Did you make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace?", what the heck would I say?

Was I gentle with my wife and with my fellow sisters in Christ? Did I build up my family, my brothers, my friends, giving encouragement and treating others with gentleness? Did I even try to make it a habit to compliment those around me to build each other up? Did I bother to hear a response from others after I asked the obligatory "How are you?" when passing by?

Or did I toss that away and instead go for the cheap laugh? How poor in Spirit am I that I sell my obedience to Christ for a cheap laugh?!?
HOW WICKED IS MY HEART?!?

How easy of an exercise is it to at least devote myself to an attempt (giving myself grace as I am going against my evil nature) to be everything Paul is talking about in verses 1-4?

Why won't we?




Prayer Requests:

> That we would all strive to live a life worthy of the calling we have recieved, and dare not be content with our current level of being "good".
> That we would emulate verses 2 and 3.

Todd's Condition
> Praise that Todd is feeling well and that he is able to be relatively independent in the hospital right now.
> Praise that there isn't much to report.
> Continued prayer that the donor cells are strengthened and take over the body. When the hospital does a Chimerism test, we want it to see 100% donor cells.
> Continued prayer that God would strengthen Jen, as she is taking care of most of the things at home, while visiting Todd in the hospital.
> Continued prayer for Todd's health, that when his immune system is so low, that he would not get sick at all. Todd's White Blood Cells (WBC) are down to 0.0.

The Talk of Men: 21 Jan 2011

21 Jan 2011

Yesterday, I spent some time brainstorming for ideas and presenting ideas that I have stolen from other people. Instead of reading narrative from me, I'd like to solicit some thoughts from you.
I could always use more ideas in these areas to keep my energy going.

Please reply to all and comment on or add another idea either for these categories or in new category of your own.

> You can't feed when you're starving to death yourself.
> Be around.
> Breathe life into her passions.
> Treat her.
> Ask her where her heart/mind is.
> Serve her.
> Discuss how the liked the sermon or bible study.
> Ask her how her relationship with God is.




Prayer Requests:

> That we, as men, would would be strong enough to put our own issues and stresses away for a little while and dote on our wives.
> That we would work on and get better at being the spiritual leader in our house, and/or to prepare our lives for such servant leadership.

different subject....

> Praise that Todd is feeling well and that he is able to be relatively independent in the hospital right now.
> Praise that there isn't much to report. (Sometimes less is more...)
> Continued prayer that the donor cells are strengthened and take over the body. When the hospital does a Chimerism test, we want it to see 100% donor cells.
> Continued prayer that God would strengthen Jen, as she is taking care of most of the things at home, while visiting Todd in the hospital.
> Continued prayer for Todd's health, that when his immune system is so low, that he would not get sick at all. Todd's White Blood Cells (WBC) are down to 0.0.

See Todd's Blog.

The Talk of Men: 20 Jan 2011

20 Jan 2011

Reading/Focus: I'd just like to do a short one today on the last verse:
Ephesians 5:33 (AMP).
I think this is the last time we'll be in Ephesians 5.


Yesterday, I mentioned that I wished the Amplified Bible did the same for men as it did for women in its discussion how to perform the tasks outlined in Ephesians 5:22-32.

I thought we could take some time to meditate on this and maybe, we could come up with a few more of our own how-to's of doing our job as husbands: spiritual leaders, servants leaders, and every other role that a man of God and husband to our wives may require us to take. Now, I want to put a disclaimer her. Every man that I have every listened to that was married has committed faults, made mistakes, and has gotten lazy from time to time. However, speaking for myself, it is FAR better for me to run in the race trying to win but then lose every time, then to stop entering in the race.

Ideas about being a spiritual leader:

You can't feed when you're starving to death yourself.
How are you supposed to feed and nourish your family, spiritually, if you have given yourself nothing? I am not talking about food or hobbies, but closeness and intimacy with God. Quiet times somehow became the end goal, when in fact they are the means to an end. There is no merit badge for waking up at the butt-crack of dawn and "getting your reading it" if you are not doing so to get closer to God, to pray, and to honestly do it for the sake of your relationship to God. You need to feed yourself, because you are supposed to feed others.

Be around.
Here is an incredibly easy way to show your wife some love. If your wife knows that you are supposed to go hang out with "the guys", but then when she has a rough day, or has a lot to do that you may be able to help with, you then choose to stay home with her and support her. Women are smart. You don't have to announce it. In fact, I don't think it is even important for her to consciously be aware that you chose her over the "the boys" or over the game on TV, or golf. Her knowing that you chose her over those things in order to support he is just a bonus; the real reason we do that is to support her as the spiritual leader of the household.

Breathe life into her passions.
Find out what it is that really speaks to her. This may be difficult to do, but if you find something, an activity, that she would like to do or be involved in, that would help in her spiritual walk, breathe life into that by supporting it. For example, if she really has a passion or desire to volunteer, make some time to do that with her. If you have kids, volunteer to watch them a few times, or on a regular basis. I f she wants to take a class, maybe even unrelated to her spiritual walk, support her in any way to help her take it. Find out what it is that inspires her, and pray for God to cue you into ways to support her. How do you find out these passions, inspirations, desires? Engage in active listening. This means, ask her how she is doing. Ask her what has been on her mind. Ask her if there is anything that she wish she had the time or the energy to do. Don't just ask her this out of the blue, or when she is stressed about something else. Set up a time, take her on a date, go out to dinner, and in making conversation based on just becoming more intimate with your wife, ask her these things. Then just listen. (note: I WORK at trying to do this, and I will admit, it is TOUGH to remember to do this, to have energy to do this, to put my own issues into the background to make that hour about her. I am very much on a journey like this of my own.) This will breathe life into her.

Treat her.
Buy her a little gift. Don't go to the jewelry store and create some stupid debt. Go out, buy her some flowers. Simple flowers that you know she likes, not five dozen, and actually write in a card how much you appreciate her. If this is a struggle, I would ask you to tap that inner Don Juan inside you that was alive and active when you were dating your wife and trying to convince her that you were the better choice than all the rest of the men out there. Just because we married, doesn't mean that the responsibility to romance our wives has ended.

Ask her where her heart/mind is.
When on a date like that, or during a deeper conversation, or during a longer drive, ask her what has been on her mind. Ask her what has been on her heart; what she has been thinking about lately. PLEASE, be gentle and specific with this question. I snide or unpleasant tone in your voice could make her misinterpret your intention. Bad timing with another tough conversation may seize the moment, and steer your good intention elsewhere. However, a well-timed, well-spoken, correctly-toned question of what she has been thinking about lately, or what she has been consumed with, or where her heart has been "this past week" may spark a conversation that really fills her "love tank" and builds some intimacy between you. Intimacy is part of our spiritual leadership responsibilities to initiate and nurture.

Serve her.
On a day where she could really use some encouragement, offer to do something for her that is usually her job, but is something that you can do. These type of things could be as simple as chores around the home that she usually has to do. If Jesus, the Son of God, can bend down on a dirty floor and wash the feet of people who walk around in the dirty all day and probably don't shower much more than once a week, then we can do a few chores around the house. Wash the dishes, cook dinner, clean the house, clean the bathroom, wash her car, vacuum her car, help fold or put away the laundry, take her clothes to the dry cleaners, take the kids to the park for a while and let her rest. Any of these things may speak to her, build intimacy with her, make her feel loved by you, and create possibility to have deep spiritual conversation with her later. If she doesn't feel like you much care about her day, her stress, her to-do list, and try to have those deep-talks with her, you're playing with danger.

Discuss how the liked the sermon or bible study.
Just because the preacher talked during the sermon for an hour doesn't mean that a discussion isn't warranted between you and your wife, sharing what spoke to you about the sermon. Be ready to share what it seemed to say to you. Be honest and share if it made you feel guilty, feel convicted, or feel empowered by something. Just start the conversation and see where it goes. This is a chance to spiritually reflect on how the sermon impacted you, which will help to apply it to your life.

Ask her how her relationship with God is.
This is the ultimate. If you can do some of the things above to build enough intimacy or already have the intimacy to be able to start a discussion about each of your relationships with God, you're right where you want to be. Pay close attention to the word "each". She is going to want you to share as well, this conversation isn't just about her, but DO wait until she asks. Listen, and actually listen. This may require shutting everything else off. Sometimes road trips, dates, quiet evenings at home with the TV off and the kids in bed are the best time for this. A man and his wife need to share these spiritual aspects of their lives (along with everything else really) to grow together to Christ and in Christ.



Okay, maybe that wasn't really a short one. What can I say? I had a few ideas come to me....

Prayer Requests:

> That we, as men, would would be strong enough to put our own issues and stresses away for a little while and dote on our wives.
> That we would work on and get better at being the spiritual leader in our house, and/or to prepare our lives for such servant leadership.

different subject....

> Praise that Todd is feeling well and that he is able to be relatively independent in the hospital right now.
> Praise that there isn't much to report. (Sometimes less is more...)
> Continued prayer that the donor cells are strengthened and take over the body. When the hospital does a Chimerism test, we want it to see 100% donor cells.
> Continued prayer that God would strengthen Jen, as she is taking care of most of the things at home, while visiting Todd in the hospital.
> Continued prayer for Todd's health, that when his immune system is so low, that he would not get sick at all. Todd's White Blood Cells (WBC) are down to 0.0.

See Todd's Blog.

The Talk of Men: 19 Jan 2011

19 Jan 2011

Saddle in.... Today's is kind of long.

Reading/Focus: Ephesians 5:25-33 (ESV), again.


I'd like to revisit the first word that was mentioned yesterday in verse 29. Yesterday, I shared my challenge with the word "Cherish". We'll look at the word "Nourish" today. As I mentioned yesterday, the word "nourish" (as it was explained to me) is a word used almost all of the time as a word describing the act of providing for, feeding, caring for, etc. I really don't think this is to say that a husband is to be the only one providing sustenance for the family, but rather the one ultimately responsible for the provision and safety of the family. In the event of a loss, he needs to make sure those happen.

But I can't get around the other verses that seem to bookend this verse on both sides; verses that identify two things: (1) that the relationship and responsibility of the husband is analogous to Christ's relationship and responsibility displayed to the church, and (2) the husband and the wife should be united as one flesh.

(1)
Since Paul makes it clear that a husband should see his relationship with his wife as similar to Christ's relationship with the church, we should be looking to see what Christ did for the church and apply it to our own role as husband.
Christ came to the earth to save the earth through his death, which brings light to verses 25 and 26, that he gave himself up for her, but also that he cleansed her. I notice that this is self-sacrifice, not a command from Christ to the church. He acted on her behalf, for her spiritual salvation.
Be the spiritual leader in the family. Be the one to initiate prayer, discussion, and growth. Listen. Be the one to have the energy in going to church to learn more about Christ, to serve others, and not just getting Attendance points.
What can we do as husband, on our own volition, to see to the spiritual growth of our wives? What can we do in our own walk, in discussion with our wives, with our own energy, to better our wives' walk? Ask her how her walk is going. Edify her by complementing her, making her feel cherished. Be the one to bring peace between you in a conflict. Sacrifice being "right", to promote one-ness, whenever possible, not just whenever easy. Use your time to support her. Pray for her. Seek out her passions and support them. Don't speak ill of her or her interests.
This is something that i am very much still in my own infancy exploring. I'd like to learn more and more ways to discover how to promote my wife's spiritual growth. As the spiritual leader this is something I should be doing.
However, this also means that I have to be feeding myself spiritually as well. Can Ethiopia teach America about nourishment? How can I feed/nourish/tend to the spiritual well being of my wife, if I am starving myself?

(2)
The husband and the wife should be united in one flesh. What does this mean? It means more than sex. While verse 31 discusses the man and the woman coming together to form one flesh, the immediate depiction I see is the consummation of marriage. But in the verses preceding verse 29, the role of man to woman is compared to Christ to the church.
How then does Christ come together in one flesh with the church? Simple: Christ lowered himself, came to earth in an earthly form (a huge demotion, by the way, since human bodies are so much more flawed than a heavenly body. How's your physical health?), lived a life of love, encouragement, not judging, and nurturing relationships with God, then dies to himself to cleanse the church so that the church may live in more intimacy with God. Who benefitted from the death of Christ? Christ or the Church? The church, of course, not Christ. Christ didn't need anything. In the same way, coming together as one flesh often means sacrificing, loving, nurturing, and providing for (both physically and spiritually) your wife.
Verse 32 really seems to support this idea that the "two becoming one flesh" is indicative of Christ and the church.
This section ends with verse 33 reiterating that we should each love our wives as ourselves and to let the wife see that she respects her husband. I think there is something really important here. "..let the wife see that she respects her husband." In other words, don't command her to respect you, let her see to it that she does. That is her responsibility, not yours. Servant leadership requires us to act as a servant. Servants never demand anything. They act to get things done. Show me where in the Gospels where Jesus demands respect or submission, I dare you. I chuckle at this, since most men in their christian lives (myself completely included), either in jest or in conversation, refer to verse 22 of this section, to get their wife to do something or to just "submit!". Paul just knocked this down like a fly-weight in the heavy-weight ring.
As a side note, the role and responsibility of the man is complex. Not one that can be discussed to entirety in 15 minutes. However, the Amplified Bible, as it was pointed out to me last night, is a version that is an attempted pure literal translation of the Greek to English (some of you higher level scholars correct me on this one if I am out of line...). The Amplified Bible gives a very interesting and detailed version of Verse 33. It actually seems to expand on how to respect her husband, but to us it also shows how she should do it. I wish that it would do the same for men...
33However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.] (Amplified Bible)
To be honest, I almost didn't include this verse in this version, because I am worried that if we find out what the women should be doing, we might ask her to do it that way, which we all know and fear, might be understood as a demand to conform or submit in this way (Dang it, there's that word again). Please resist the urge. Servant leadership.....

Prayer Requests:

> That we, as men, would meditate on what it means to be the spiritual leader in a servant leadership role.

different subject....

> Praise that Todd is feeling well and that he is able to be relatively independent in the hospital right now.
> Praise that there isn't much to report. (Sometimes less is more...)
> Continued prayer that the donor cells are strengthened and take over the body. When the hospital does a Chimerism test, we want it to see 100% donor cells.
> Continued prayer that God would strengthen Jen, as she is taking care of most of the things at home, while visiting Todd in the hospital.
> Continued prayer for Todd's health, that when his immune system is so low, that he would not get sick at all. Todd's White Blood Cells (WBC) are down to 0.0.

See Todd's Blog, specifically "T+3: the hospital is boring."

The Talk of Men: 18 Jan 2011

18 Jan 2011

Please read Todd's prayer requests and pray today. Saturday, Todd's had the transplant.

Reading/Focus: Ephesians 5:25-33 (ESV)

Again, I direct you back to the audio sermon files at http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/sermons starting 12 Aug 2007, in the 3-week sermon series "The Role of Men".


Do I really know what it means to be a man? I think I know what it means to be a man in earthly terms, but do I know what that means in Godly terms? Nearly every christian man I know, myself included, know exactly what verse 22-24 says, but that is what God commands the woman. After what verses for the man say, what God says to the woman is no longer relevant to the man. I'll come back to this.

In this reading, verse 29 challenges me over and over again.
"29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,..."

Chandler (the village church) speaks to these two words for a while. The idea of nourish, mean mostly to provide for. Thankfully, most men see it this way in some regard. In this case, this nourish means to provide for, to make sure that there is food on the table, to protect, to keep a roof over her head, etc. This is not the definition that I struggle with. However, in a spiritual sense, we are also to be the spiritual nourisher in our home. This includes the wife. I don't think this says that we are to the be the only spiritual nourishment, but rather to watch over the spiritual nourishment and growth of all the family members, wife included. This is both keenly important and deeper than I think I fully understand.

It's the other word: "Cherish", that really challenges me. Chandler explains this for me that it means we should treat our wives like "porcelain", meaning to treat her carefully.
"Watch what comes out of your mouth towards them, watch how you touch them, watch how you handle them. They are not to be handled verbally or physically rough. Like porcelain.”
The bible is very clear that it is my job to love my wife like Christ loves the church. This means that I not only have the responsibility of being the initiator of reconciliation in my marriage (which is a huge deal), but also to love my wife regardless of her response. Now, think about that for a minute. For those of you who may challenge me on that, I would first ask you to look at how Christ loves the church. Does Christ's love for me depend on my response? I sure hope to God not! Like Christ loves the church...

Chandler describes this ultimately difficult mission as one guy giving advice to another and he paints it so well, I'll just end by quoting him here, to leave us pondering:
In fact, it's comical. I mean, if you start talking to other people like this, they're like,
“Man, my wife, she just doesn't respond to me well. I mean, I'm just trying and she doesn't let me...” You're like, “Keep loving her.”
“Why should I keep loving her? She doesn't do anything I want...”
“Yeah, yeah, okay. Just keep loving her more. Love her more.”
“What?” “Buy her flowers.”
“I can't stand her.”
“Buy her lots of flowers.”
“I mean, she's this and she's that.”
“You want to really get her? Go ahead and clean the whole house. Clean all of it, bathrooms too. Clean it. Serve her, that's what you do.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah. Serve her, romance her, love her, woo her.”
“Are you serious?” “Absolutely serious.”
I mean, this is a little bit different message, isn't it? “She spit in my face.” “Get her a bottle of water and get a towel.”



Prayer Requests:

> That we, as men, would dare to look deep into what it means to be a man in the eyes of God, and that we would have the gut to pursue being that man, regardless of the cost.

different subject....

> That the donor cells are strengthened and take over the body. When the hospital does a Chimerism test, we want it to see 100% donor cells.
> That God would strengthen Jen, as she is taking care of most of the things at home, while visiting Todd in the hospital.
> Pray for Todd's health, that when his immune system is so low, that he would not get sick at all.

See Todd's Blog, specifically "T-0: for real this time!"