The Talk of Men: 20 Jan 2011

20 Jan 2011

Reading/Focus: I'd just like to do a short one today on the last verse:
Ephesians 5:33 (AMP).
I think this is the last time we'll be in Ephesians 5.


Yesterday, I mentioned that I wished the Amplified Bible did the same for men as it did for women in its discussion how to perform the tasks outlined in Ephesians 5:22-32.

I thought we could take some time to meditate on this and maybe, we could come up with a few more of our own how-to's of doing our job as husbands: spiritual leaders, servants leaders, and every other role that a man of God and husband to our wives may require us to take. Now, I want to put a disclaimer her. Every man that I have every listened to that was married has committed faults, made mistakes, and has gotten lazy from time to time. However, speaking for myself, it is FAR better for me to run in the race trying to win but then lose every time, then to stop entering in the race.

Ideas about being a spiritual leader:

You can't feed when you're starving to death yourself.
How are you supposed to feed and nourish your family, spiritually, if you have given yourself nothing? I am not talking about food or hobbies, but closeness and intimacy with God. Quiet times somehow became the end goal, when in fact they are the means to an end. There is no merit badge for waking up at the butt-crack of dawn and "getting your reading it" if you are not doing so to get closer to God, to pray, and to honestly do it for the sake of your relationship to God. You need to feed yourself, because you are supposed to feed others.

Be around.
Here is an incredibly easy way to show your wife some love. If your wife knows that you are supposed to go hang out with "the guys", but then when she has a rough day, or has a lot to do that you may be able to help with, you then choose to stay home with her and support her. Women are smart. You don't have to announce it. In fact, I don't think it is even important for her to consciously be aware that you chose her over the "the boys" or over the game on TV, or golf. Her knowing that you chose her over those things in order to support he is just a bonus; the real reason we do that is to support her as the spiritual leader of the household.

Breathe life into her passions.
Find out what it is that really speaks to her. This may be difficult to do, but if you find something, an activity, that she would like to do or be involved in, that would help in her spiritual walk, breathe life into that by supporting it. For example, if she really has a passion or desire to volunteer, make some time to do that with her. If you have kids, volunteer to watch them a few times, or on a regular basis. I f she wants to take a class, maybe even unrelated to her spiritual walk, support her in any way to help her take it. Find out what it is that inspires her, and pray for God to cue you into ways to support her. How do you find out these passions, inspirations, desires? Engage in active listening. This means, ask her how she is doing. Ask her what has been on her mind. Ask her if there is anything that she wish she had the time or the energy to do. Don't just ask her this out of the blue, or when she is stressed about something else. Set up a time, take her on a date, go out to dinner, and in making conversation based on just becoming more intimate with your wife, ask her these things. Then just listen. (note: I WORK at trying to do this, and I will admit, it is TOUGH to remember to do this, to have energy to do this, to put my own issues into the background to make that hour about her. I am very much on a journey like this of my own.) This will breathe life into her.

Treat her.
Buy her a little gift. Don't go to the jewelry store and create some stupid debt. Go out, buy her some flowers. Simple flowers that you know she likes, not five dozen, and actually write in a card how much you appreciate her. If this is a struggle, I would ask you to tap that inner Don Juan inside you that was alive and active when you were dating your wife and trying to convince her that you were the better choice than all the rest of the men out there. Just because we married, doesn't mean that the responsibility to romance our wives has ended.

Ask her where her heart/mind is.
When on a date like that, or during a deeper conversation, or during a longer drive, ask her what has been on her mind. Ask her what has been on her heart; what she has been thinking about lately. PLEASE, be gentle and specific with this question. I snide or unpleasant tone in your voice could make her misinterpret your intention. Bad timing with another tough conversation may seize the moment, and steer your good intention elsewhere. However, a well-timed, well-spoken, correctly-toned question of what she has been thinking about lately, or what she has been consumed with, or where her heart has been "this past week" may spark a conversation that really fills her "love tank" and builds some intimacy between you. Intimacy is part of our spiritual leadership responsibilities to initiate and nurture.

Serve her.
On a day where she could really use some encouragement, offer to do something for her that is usually her job, but is something that you can do. These type of things could be as simple as chores around the home that she usually has to do. If Jesus, the Son of God, can bend down on a dirty floor and wash the feet of people who walk around in the dirty all day and probably don't shower much more than once a week, then we can do a few chores around the house. Wash the dishes, cook dinner, clean the house, clean the bathroom, wash her car, vacuum her car, help fold or put away the laundry, take her clothes to the dry cleaners, take the kids to the park for a while and let her rest. Any of these things may speak to her, build intimacy with her, make her feel loved by you, and create possibility to have deep spiritual conversation with her later. If she doesn't feel like you much care about her day, her stress, her to-do list, and try to have those deep-talks with her, you're playing with danger.

Discuss how the liked the sermon or bible study.
Just because the preacher talked during the sermon for an hour doesn't mean that a discussion isn't warranted between you and your wife, sharing what spoke to you about the sermon. Be ready to share what it seemed to say to you. Be honest and share if it made you feel guilty, feel convicted, or feel empowered by something. Just start the conversation and see where it goes. This is a chance to spiritually reflect on how the sermon impacted you, which will help to apply it to your life.

Ask her how her relationship with God is.
This is the ultimate. If you can do some of the things above to build enough intimacy or already have the intimacy to be able to start a discussion about each of your relationships with God, you're right where you want to be. Pay close attention to the word "each". She is going to want you to share as well, this conversation isn't just about her, but DO wait until she asks. Listen, and actually listen. This may require shutting everything else off. Sometimes road trips, dates, quiet evenings at home with the TV off and the kids in bed are the best time for this. A man and his wife need to share these spiritual aspects of their lives (along with everything else really) to grow together to Christ and in Christ.



Okay, maybe that wasn't really a short one. What can I say? I had a few ideas come to me....

Prayer Requests:

> That we, as men, would would be strong enough to put our own issues and stresses away for a little while and dote on our wives.
> That we would work on and get better at being the spiritual leader in our house, and/or to prepare our lives for such servant leadership.

different subject....

> Praise that Todd is feeling well and that he is able to be relatively independent in the hospital right now.
> Praise that there isn't much to report. (Sometimes less is more...)
> Continued prayer that the donor cells are strengthened and take over the body. When the hospital does a Chimerism test, we want it to see 100% donor cells.
> Continued prayer that God would strengthen Jen, as she is taking care of most of the things at home, while visiting Todd in the hospital.
> Continued prayer for Todd's health, that when his immune system is so low, that he would not get sick at all. Todd's White Blood Cells (WBC) are down to 0.0.

See Todd's Blog.